23 Mar 2011

Caning in anger

I know in this part of the world, caning is still commonly used as a mode of punishment when a child has gone overboard with his/her actions. Most of us still believe that by sparing the rod we spoil the child, thus the necessity of the cane

but Parents..please, do not cane your children in anger.
 When a parent uses the rod carelessly, incessantly, and in anger, they are not “caning the bad out of the child.” Instead the parent  is putting in, uploading hate and resentment in the child. Over a period of time of experiencing such anger regularly, the child usually becomes either abusive, very angry internally, or feel an extreme sense of worthlessness.
The child can begin to feel trapped, unable even to look anyone in the eye because of very low self esteem. She/he can became a "voiceless" person, unable to express the anguish of trapped emotions and confusion within themselves. That’s what caning in anger can do to your child.
-So if you’re a parent who’s prone to anger, please STOP yourself before caning in anger.
-When angry..go calm yourself down before facing your child. Do NOT upload YOUR ANGER into your child. Do not make your child feel useless and worthless. Do not pinch, slap or shove your child.
-If you need to use the cane, TALK with your child. Explain, and then, one or 2 strokes will do. Even then, control your strength. Remember, you are stronger than your child physically, don’t abuse your strength.
-It’s ok to hug your child after punishing them. Don’t push them away and say hurting words like “Don’t call me father/mother!" Or "Go to your room, you useless child!” Watch your words, they hurt more than you know!

Finally, remember to love your child. I once read, for every negative word you speak, make sure there are 7 positive ones. Focus on building your child's strengths instead of just picking on the mistakes.

1 comment :

gail said...

You are right, Martha. This is a very good lesson.

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