When I am sad, I pray.

A few good friends enjoying time together at a mangrove in Johor some months back. After a time of playing they turned to writing on the sand. Words like "God is Love," "I love You", "Friends Forever."

A little space away, Jo was writing something. I wondered what she had written..

She stepped away, and I saw these words, "When I am Sad,  I Pray."

How lovely those words. It is a reminder to me, that when times get tough, when things are down, I can  turn to GOD and pray, then allow God to lift me up and carry  me on.

On our way out of the mangrove, we found this lovely seed, in the shape of a heart. Beautiful isn't it. How beautiful are God's creations. :)

  Remember to love your family, 

hug your children,

 tell your spouse you love him/her,

hug your parents.

 Switch off the computer and TV and spend quality time with people who mean the most. :)

Happy Chinese New Year to all who are celebrating.  :)

@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2013

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Trust...Hope

Sun melting, splattering like hot wax, splashing the sky with hues of yellow-orange, pink, purple and red. Fluttering birds preparing to flock home before sundown, chatter merrily, impatiently…howeverly. I drive home with peace in my heart (or so I think), eagerly anticipating the weekend, the week’s work completed.

Wait, the above was just an imagination (Photo taken in June.) In reality, it's been gloomy, rainy, thundering and all. I'm loving the coolness it brings, the children hate the imprisonment that comes with it. haha...

 At the back of my mind, there are thoughts for dear ones who are not well. A dear friend battling with cancer, my aunt who fell down and shattered her shoulder bone, a dear niece admitted to ER just a while ago with severe vomiting.

 First thing I did was to call my aunt. Instead of a solemn voice, a cheerful voice greeted me at the other end. She has had her surgery done and now has a brand new metal piece in replacement of her shoulder bone. She chirped “Humpty Dumpty fell down and broke her arm,” then  burst into heart roaring laughter. To me that is such courage, that is there due to her years of leaning on her pillar of strength, which is the Lord.

 The Lord,  He who dresses the Lilies of the field, who feeds the sparrows and provides them with shelter, He who decorates the sky each morning and evening. I pray that daily, I will learn to trust Him more, for self growth, and for the healing of these dear ones.

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A picture Jo made for my aunt. She used poster colour amd yellow glitter to create her plant, which she says is magical. Will be mailing it off soon.

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Last month we also celebrated my dear hubby's birthday. Nel badly wanted to buy something for her daddy with her own pocket money. But because I wasn't able to take her shopping, she ended up giving her daddy this here below. :)  Hubby was surprised to find money in the envelop! haha..He doesn't plan on spending the money, and is going to keep it coz he thinks this present is too cute and meaningful. :)

@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2012

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A storm passing ... Bits from my journal.

It's been a rainy day this part of the world, not just rain, but heavy, thunderous downpour that makes driving difficult. Still I made my way to the hospital, and saw the neurosurgeon, followed by Jo's dental appointment in the noon. After not driving for so long, it was quite nerve wrecking to drive through that storm. It also reminded me of the time my car hydroplaned a couple of years back, smashing against the divider that separated us from a deep, large monsoon drain, causing the side windows to break. Yet thankfully, the Lord protected my children and I.

Anyway, just as I was about to go to sleep after a long day, it started pouring heavily again and thundering. Camel our little pooch started barking frantically, and so Nel and Jo went down to soothe and comfort him. They brought him extra cloth to keep him warm, sang songs to him, and played some soothing violin music on our CD player just to calm him.

Soon the storm began to die out, our little pooch began calming down and my children went back upstairs. As for me, I stayed a little while more with my poodle, feeling peaceful from listening to the lovely music. As I contemplated, my heart filled with peace, realizing that just as that storm was dying, so was the storm in my own life. Healing has been taking place, and I'm so much better now. :)  I believe my doctors did a good job, but ultimately, it's God who will complete the healing, the healing of the wounds, the heart and mind. I'm now trusting that He will remove the IBS, and that the random headaches (which have ceased in intensity) will totally diminish, and I know it will happen soon. :)

Anyway, a few shots of the journal which I kept while in hospital.

1st attempt at a drawing and writing using my left hand! (I am right handed) (coz there were needles in my right hand)
This verse in Isaiah 55 spoke a lot to me. About how I will go out with joy, and instead of a thornbush, I shall be like a strong pine tree. It spoke a lot to me, about the sort of person that I was/am (the thornbush), the changes I need to make to all the parts about my character which were just not right. I know, change doesn't come over night, but through this time, I've been praying, that God will change me, help me with my weaknesses, in order to be closer to who He intends for me to become. I know, through Him, I can be better. :)

 This is a 2nd  ATTEMPT at drawing using my left hand!  So this is my first ever, left handed modern(?) art. As you can see, the picture is of people with healthy pituitary glands. (seen in middle of forehead.)  :)

 A 3rd attempt at drawing/writing using my left hand, coz of the needles in my right hand. A nurse came in and saw this and commented "Wow, you did this with your left hand? I can't even do that with my right." haha...Yup right. But it helped spark of conversations with different nurses. :)

 FInally, during one of my devotions, I happened to chance upon John 11:35 which reads "Jesus Wept." Only 2 words, but it brought me to tears. It helped me realise that God is NOT some great, untouchable far off being. He is very real, and His love and care is real..so much so He wept for his friends. He is real. As I wept, I closed my eyes and drew a random line. When I opened my eyes, it was a forehead and nose. I then began to just sketch and sketch, still deeply touched to the core by the realization of God's love....and this was my impression of what Christ might have looked like, when He wept.

 Indeed, it is in Jesus name, and faith in Him that will bring complete healing.

Finally, I have one more special picture, which I saw in a dream. But I shall not post it here. It is as my friends described, unique. I intend to create an oil painting of that, as I saw it in colour but my sketch was only black and white (done in between sleep and dreams while in CCU). Will share that later when I complete the painting.

God bless.........
Martha@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2012

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Check In

Today is the day of check in for my op.  A word that's been coming over and over again to me is the word  JOY. Particularly the Joy of the Lord.

 As I did my devotion yesterday, the verse that popped up was Proverbs 17:22 - "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."    I knew it was for me, because for months now, I've often felt sorrowful for no reason, often asking questions regarding the reason for living.  This is not something I've ever talked about, for I was afraid to let others see my inner thoughts. In my personal journals, I've written things like "I'm hiding in the corners of the earth, Lord, you're calling me, but I've gone too far, too far off."  And last month a friend called to visit, spoke to me, encouraged me, and I told her "You know, the point where you're at your lowest, and you don't know where else to go anymore? I am there now."

Then, what do you know, when the headaches started 2 weeks ago, and the docs told me I had haemorrhage of pituitary macroademona it brought me to a new place of questioning and seeking. I've come to the conclusion, that perhaps this whole thing is a little like the story of Jonah and the Whale. The storm in my situation was the MRI that told me of that tumor. The Whale is the delay before the time of operation. The delay happened because through prayers the headaches and vomiting subsided.

 In this "Whale" I began to find the Lord again. Dealing with many issues. And I came back to the word Joy. Isaiah 55:12 - 13 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the LORD's renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed." Despite all I've been doing, the Joy of the Lord had not been present in my life. And now, I've been praying that God give me JOY which comes from Him alone. I'm praying for new vision, new calling and rejuvenated strength to serve Him in a meaningful way.

Continuing on the word Joy, both my daughter's devotion book yesterday talked of the same thing, JOY.  What a surprise it was that when I went downstairs and found that they had created a very pretty hanging mobile with the alphabets JOY  and LOVE .

 I was deeply encouraged, and I'm also deeply convicted that I must share this with my children. For what is the point of homeschooling or parenting if I do it mechanically. Rather, I must teach them about strength that comes from Joy. For that is strength which will carry them through seasons in their own lives. I'm really convicted, and may God grant me ways to overcome myself that I may share God's Joy with them.
Finally, friends who visited and messaged, carried the same message. I know, God has intervened at that lowest point of my life. I may have hidden it all deep within, silently. but God chose to bring me out, that I may serve Him with new strength, purpose and Joy.
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In my garden today...........there were so many beautiful mushrooms...

The Olive backed Sunbird that visited yesterday dropped by again today. And a pair of tailorbirds that built a nest in my garden a few months ago are back. So many visitors indeed. :)

Finally, a song that's been in my mind, Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow, Praise Him all creatures here below, Praise Him  ye heavenly host; Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2012

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Another visitor

As I await for the insurance to confirm payment for my surgery (read last post), I vacillate between feeling totally confident and feeling fear in my heart. It's strange. I guess, googling too much is not good for there is a lot of bad news, and negative feedback about surgeries gone wrong.

There's one thing I've learnt, you can never understand the feelings of someone going through such a situation till you've been in it yourself. The fear is unimaginable, the crying, the surge of strength, the faith, the confusion, the thousands of emotions and  thoughts that flood the mind.

Anyway, while doing my devotion today, the chapter talked on joy. What brings joy. I thought of nature, the things God brought to my garden during that day of confusion that gave me joy. Well, the dragonfly has flown off, and I know it has to in order to find its mate, to continue its generation.

 But I had a new visitor this morning. It made such a ruckus outside my window. I ignored it at first, but it continued impatiently, noisily, distractingly. I looked out, and saw this male Olive Sunbird, enjoying a delicious drink of nectar from my wild banana plant. Alas when I got my camera, I only managed this blur shot, and then it was gone. I guess, God's way of cheering me up. :)

@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2012

A time of Inner Contemplation

I awoke last Tues, with a strange ringing in my ear. The buzz was so loud it felt like there was an air-cond in my ear. Later when my child spoke, I heard two distinct pitches in my left ear, her voice came out (if you understand music) in two tones, perfect fourth apart. I panicked. I switched on some music, and realised that the left ear could not detect higher notes, while the right could.

Panic set in, and the following day headaches started. As a musician, my ears are precious, I drove to the ENT, where they found nothing wrong with my ear but cautioned that if the buzzing continued, I could loose my hearing partially. I became depressed.

As the headaches continued, it came with nausea, a sense of imbalance, sensitivity to sounds and light. Because I felt the pain down my neck, I went to see a spinal surgeon who got me to do an MRI. I thank God that incidentally the found the enlarged pituitary gland. From then I was asked to see a neurosurgeon, followed by another MRI of the brain.

What they found was a Pituitary Macroadenoma in my gland which had haemorrhaged. Being one who is "afraid" of doctors and procedures, that shook my world. I went between depression and extreme fear to eventually increased in faith as many wonderful friends came my way and started praying for me.

My dear husband took days off for work to sit with me as I went through a series of tests. On one of those long days, when he had to get back to work, a dear friend Dr. Chan, insisted she went with me to the hospital despite multiple protests from me. I was strengthened by her faith, her prayers and encouragement. I thank God for these angels and sms's that have strengthened me. (You know who you are.)

I Praise God that because of the prayers, the headaches have subsided. I quote the Endocrinologist "I'm surprised that in your state, that you're not in more pain." Truly, it is God in control of me. I also praise God, as doctors have stated another 1mm of swelling could have caused me vision loss. Thank God for protecting my precious eyes.

So many thoughts have gone through my head in just this one week. It has opened my eyes and heart in a way I cannot describe. from the way I look at life, my priorities, my relationship and faith in God, my relationship with my children and husband, my friends around me. As these thoughts come, I've been journaling them in a book I keep as I read the BIble.

Well...another thing is Praise God, my blood tests have come back normal, and I will meet the neurosurgeon tomorrow. Both he and the endocrinologist have said it's best to take the tumor out to prevent risk of a second hemorrhage. I know it is a delicate operation, and they've told me, will take about 3 hours. I'm praying that it will go well, that none of the precious cells around it will be sacrificed in the process. Sure many have gone through it, but to go through it myself, is different and I understand now the fear people have been through in such a situation. Above all I know God is in control, from the way He helped me to trace the source of headaches to this point. He is my refuge and strength.

Finally, as I struggled to distract my own thoughts, I sought my camera and went out to my tiny garden.

 I saw this new shoot growing, and it promised me, new life. As a dear friend prayed for me yesterday, she said "Sometimes, God prunes, and He cuts off much, till we're almost bare, but that is so the best shoots may come forth."

Then next to it, growing on  roots were these mushrooms that grew so peacefully.

Finally, still a little troubled, I heard a voice saying, "Look up Martha, the dragonflies that have come and gone from your Kedondong tree are back. I looked up, and true enough, there it was, sitting on top of the branch, displaying its beautiful wings. It's meaningful to me, as this dragonfly that's back today, has been gone for some time. It's morphed and now an adult. It shows how in shading of it's old skin, it has become bigger, stronger, more powerful.

Here it almost seems as if it's looking at me doesn't it.

In all things, I give thanks coz I know, God my maker, holds my life in His hands, and He is watching over me.

martha@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2012

Craving Solitude

I'm a busy mum. I work, I teach, I do most of the house chores, I cook, the list is endless. Sometimes I get burnt out...often, I crave solitude, time alone.

Just today, after a very hectic and rather chaotic class at StART...(a whole new bunch of kids from several different orphanage homes suddenly appeared in my class unannounced, and etc etc..I leave you to imagine how it was..), and with all the extra work piled up from the holidays, I needed my cave, time alone.  I got off work,  drove off in the madness of the evening traffic, my mind wondering, hands and feet moving in auto mode... expecting to get home late, pick up Nel and Jo and head off to mum's for dinner. (What a blessing to have a mum who cooks some days!).

But lo and behold, the traffic for some reason cleared up after a while, and I managed to get home just some precious 20 minutes before my girls got off from Chinese class. I needed that moment of quietness and I received it. I spent those moments pouring out my soul over my piano playing random notes, just listening to the echo of the sound, connecting with an Awesome God....and I felt release. (An excerpt below...)


And then, at night when my dear hubby tucked my girls into bed...I still had that something in my heart...and thus this piece of unplanned art. Unplanned art is a wonderful tool of release, of expression. I  took a piece of blank paper, chose colours that I "felt" (just as I chose sounds on the piano that I felt), and just started painting unplanned, random strokes on paper. Pouring out whatever into that paper.... and here's the art work. I guess, I shall just call it "Craving Solitude."

Martha 5/3/2012

More poetry writing

Nel seems to enjoy poetry and has written a few more. She tried Alliteration today and came up with this:

 Grumpy

Grumpy Goblins

Grumpy Goblins Grumble

Grumpy Goblins Grumble Grouchily

Grumpy Goblins Grumble Grouchily, Grumpily

*Groan*

(By Nel)

She also wrote the following about her dog:

Couplet....by Nel

Now, Jo seeing her sister at work started brainstorming in her head too....so over lunch, she made this up.

Alliteration by Jo

Jo's also started a little journal thingy, and her first entry is simple a picture depicting the ballet concert we went to, "White Bat." My girls enjoyed it, but because the plot was quite complicated (A love triangle) and all told in dance without words, I had to answer lots of questions.

Finally, Jo received this during Christmas and we're using it for the moment for her devotion time. She's drawn now a hummingbird in a nest. Her current favourite birds...KingFisher, hummingbird and the Eagle.

In the kitchen...both my girls are almost independent. They switch on and off the stove by themselves, make their own omelet, stir fry vege and cook rice. :) I'm proud of them.

Written on my FB on the 12th January 2012
My children are cooking lunch while I take a break here. Yesterday was the first time they were left alone in kitchen. At one point they had some popping flying eggs when they accidentally added water in hot butter/oil. I heard screaming, banging of doors as they fought over who to shut off the stove fire to prevent more popping. Later Jodie told me "Mum we fought coz we were afraid, we shouted bad words at each other, called each other sissy and banged the door. BUt after we managed to shut off the stove, we hugged each other and laughed." hehehe... Ok..here's to day 2 of em cooking. Awaiting to taste.....:)

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Teaching my children to give, and giving.

Last Friday as me and my children sat down to do devotion, we talked about giving, as Christ gave freely. When were almost done, I asked "so if there was someone in need, would you give?" Both my girls replied immediately with a resounding "Yes yes Yes!"


Knowing that they had little money in their wallets as I seldom give them pocket money, I asked them, "would you then, be willing to take some money from your own wallet to buy rice or milk for the poor?"

The answer came in the form of  total silence. Nel had been saving hard to buy something special, I knew that, and every cent was precious to her. She'd toiled in my garden and worked for her own pocket money, and she'd been saving and counting every now and then.

After a moment of silence Nel said "ok mum, I'm willing to give."

  "Are you sure?" I asked,  "you've been saving hard."

Nel replied with a more reassuring look this time "Yes, mum, I want to give to those who don't have as much as I do." I was touched by her words.

Little Jo on seeing her sister agreeing said "mum, I only have two 5RM notes in my wallet, but I'll give you one of it!!" and she said it excitedly too! :)

So, last weekend, as we were travelling, Nel herself took her own money from her wallet and gave it to her grandfather to purchase rice for the less fortunate. I'd not reminded her, but she remembered.

Here below are some pictures from a village we visited during the weekend. We camped there, fellowshiped with these people, ate with them and prayed with them. The rice went to an interior village, a place so remote, few can go in.

Looking through the window of their world

The church there..symbol of faith, place of refuge and comfort

a new born baby

This is their home. Built by themselves on a land they've called home for generations. But there's threat that their land will be taken away to make way for large and rich corporations.

Playing with hay on a hot hot afternoon

my little one chasing geese

they found this furry cat

How wonderful it is to teach children to give. As I teach them, I ask myself too, how much am I willing to give, even to people I do not know.

When God puts in our heart to give something, it's good to give, regardless of what others may say. For who are we to go against the promptings that God has placed within our hearts.

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my last post - Dear-Nel, (excerpts taken from letters written to my daughter )

A Rainbow

After a whole afternoon of teaching, I took a short walk with my girls. After the lovely walk, we sat outside on the swing enjoying the very cool evening breeze. Suddenly Nel said "Mum! Look up! A Rainbow!!"

That got us all excited. This is my second time seeing a rainbow encircling my home, on a cool, dry day without rain. (well..it must have rained somewhere far off..but not near my home.)

This amazing sight of the rainbow brought memories of a post I wrote in 2006, when my girls were so little. At that time, Jo was a very difficult baby who cried everyday without fail in the evenings for an hour to 2 hours, stressing me out. I remember feeling very depressed at that time in 2006, until I saw the rainbow. Here's the original post written in 2006.

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2006...........
How I got through yesterday, it’s only by God’s strength and Tylenol. After almost three days with hardly any sleep my head hurt so bad. I went to work in the afternoon and later tired, I sat on the swing outside of my house with my two little girls, little Jo in a sling attached to me.

Far away in the horizon…I watched the sun set. It seemed mellow…comforting. It stretched forth it’s gentle rays, decorating the sky with hues of orange, red, yellow and pink. There had been no rain that day and hardly a cloud in the sky. Yet it was surprisingly cool and windy. I did wish I’d see a rainbow. It’s been a long while since I saw one, and Nel has been wanting to see one so much. I told her to pray and ask God for one.

Well…the clock showed almost 7 in the evening…and most of the sky was getting dark except for that sunset in the distance. We got up and walked back. It was then something, told me to look up. I did…..and there, enveloping our house…right around it, a Perfect, Beautiful RAINBOW. Totally complete….no faded parts or parts covered by clouds. In fact it was a DOUBLE rainbow. I was totally amazed… how did it happen? It hadn’t rained. The mellow sunset was far off……and there was barely a drizzle….. but yet a beautiful double rainbow enveloped our house.

We just stared at it……….and as I did…I felt the stress lift off my shoulders……..and as if God was speaking and saying “ Here’s your rainbow…you’ve been asking for it. I listen to your prayers…and I love you.” What a beautiful evening.

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Jo: I want to be a noctural person, so I can get up at night to watch Malaysian owls. :)
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The Power of Worship

I try to do morning devotion with my children daily. Usually I use a devotional guide book and a Bible which I read to my children, followed by discussion and prayer. But this morning before devotion, I decided to play on my piano first.  I opened my song book randomly and the first song I saw was “Above all powers.”

As I sang the song, I pondered on the meaning of Good Friday and Easter, and .. I just felt the love of God again. I felt compelled to call my children. They gathered close to me and we sang the song together. I explained the meaning of the song and asked them what it would be like for a rose to be trampled on the ground.

Then I asked them to bring a sheet of paper and draw whatever came to their mind as I sang. Both my children drew a picture of the cross with Christ on it. As I kept singing, I told them, “now, draw yourself inside the picture.” Nel got very silent and shed silent tears, while Jo faced down started crying aloud as they both drew themselves in the picture. I knew then it was the Holy Spirit touching them.

Later I asked them about their picture and about how they felt. Jo replied “the song is beautiful. Also I cried because Jesus died for me, He’s so kind mum.” Nel replied “I cried because of all the wrong things I’ve done. But Jesus still died for me.”

We then prayed together, thanking God for dying on the cross for us, for His forgiveness,  for loving us, just the way we are despite our imperfections and all.

“Crucified, laid behind the stone, He lived to die, rejected and alone, Like a rose, trampled on the ground, You took the fall, the thought of me, above all.”