28 Jul 2011

I will not be a Kiasu (competitive) parent

My children exploring
Dear reader..thank you for reading my blog posts..it's wonderful knowing you'd actually come by to read my boring ramblings and updates about stuff we've been doing around here.

Feel free to peruse, but please do not compare between us. You and I are different. If you're a parent, it's most likely we've different parenting styles, different personality traits, different perception of education, values, talents, ...we'd have different strengths/weaknesses, for no one is alike.



You get the picture, You and I are different. My strengths may be your weaknesses, and if that is so, then most likely your strengths will be my area of weakness. Feel free to copy  projects, if there are any worth copying, as I too often get ideas from other sites. But whatever you do, please do not gauge your children or your accomplishments by mine, do not compare. For no matter what, we're not the same. I too will not compare, for I'm just living my own world, plodding along with my girls (and hubby) a day at a time.

Once (like many Asian mothers) I used to worry "Am I doing enough?", "Have I accomplished all that's to do?" "Oh boy, his/her kid is already doing such and such, I have to push my child a little more."  "Oh my goodness, what?? Her child is already doing Grade 5 music?" Darn.... push push push....PUSH, despite howls, protests, melt downs, parent/child fights..PUSH!!!

Now, I just let it be, coz my child is NOT that child, and I realise, it's really not about doing "Enough." It's really about enjoying my parenting days, enjoying my children and learning along side.  It is observing my children, in trying to understand them better, their personality, their thoughts, their strengths, their weaknesses. It is about helping to develop their strengths further so they can excel in their element. It is also in helping them find a balance in life.

I'm happy I've managed to get the "kiasu"/competitive kinda thoughts out of my head now, and we're all happier. :)  :)

Seriously, and truthfully...life is an endless road of competition. It's a crazy world out there...who gets to climb the ladder first, who's top in class, who has the best dress, who's the brightest kid,  who can play the piano well, who's aced in math etc etc. It's Endless!!! Endless and often destructive causing depression in many children.  Sadly, a life of endless competition, not for the child's sake but for the ego of the parent.
                            
I've decided that the only competition my child will have for now will be in sports, that is when the swimming instructor initiates one. As for academic purposes, talents, reading skills and all other things, I'm gonna HANG IT!  Not hang the education, LOL, but Yeah, hang that competitive bit and allow my child to go at her own pace and enjoy the process of learning.
           
There's a whole life time of learning in front of them..why not allow them to enjoy it and to love what they learn instead of doing it for the sake of some exams just to see what position they are in class.

Let's get back to the beginning. You and I are different. Therefore, our children are different. There's no point competing in education, because our children will have different learning styles, different strengths, different talents, different in every way. Let them explore different paths and find their own conclusions. Allow them to love learning, allow them to love exploring, allow them to find their own strengths instead of trying to shape them into becoming something else.

See...it's another boring ramble here...Anyway...yeah..just my thought about life as a parent.

3 comments :

mom2kiddos said...

What a NOT boring ramble here. I've found myself being kiasu especially when amongst other parents who have kids of the same age. They keep asking me questions. AND, I have a nephew who can name dinosaurs and planets and the colours of the rainbow; he's 9 mths younger than my boy and it kind of annoys me a little because I try my very very best not to get competitive or kiasu. Like you said, I want my kids to enjoy their learning process for as long as possible. I enjoyed reading your ramble here and thanks for the reminder.

Divoo said...

boring? no way! mommy's stuff can never be boring! :) good that you talked about not being a competitive parent... true that it's a crazy world out there, and that's what i fear the most... i wonder how San will survive the bullies, the competitors, the pressure... even if we as parents don't push our kids for anything, they somehow get involved in the competition... people need to understand that every kid is different and has his/her own pace of learning... so let it be and enjoy watching them grow. :)

Carolyn said...

It's not boring, Martha. I enjoyed reading it and learning stuff from it. I'm also guilty for being 'kiasu' when I realise it. Then after that I had to remind myself to calm down otherwise my daughter will start hating me. LOL. You're a good mother and learning from you is not to compete with you but to improve myself..:)

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