28 Jun 2011

Dancing free.. (watercolour)

Busy week and weekend around here as usual. As I sat down after a long day yesterday, a sense of hopelessness enveloped me again. I don't always feel this way, but I have felt it, off and on, after my second pregnancy.

After I had Jo, I had pretty bad post pregnancy depression that had me crying for days and months. Eventually with the passing of time, my mood improved and I began to feel more like myself. 
Yet somehow, since then, that depressive feeling occasionally finds itself back into my heart and mind  and hits me bad.
It hit me yesterday.

 As I sat there with this desperate, lost feeling, strangely I felt an urge to paint. But instead of a bleak, somber picture, I saw a happy picture in my mind..a picture of me and my girls dancing...perhaps dancing before the Lord. I guess, though my mind was depressed, my soul told me that my hope and joy can be found in the Lord.
The first picture I painted in the middle of the night as my family slept..

A more colourful version..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These paintings are not perfect...just an expression of myself.
Out of curiosity..which version do you prefer?

15 comments :

mom2kiddos said...

I prefer the 1st. I tend to favour more realistic art. But they're both good. Hmm...Now I know you have long hair and is that the gypsy pants you bought in Thailand?

I'm sorry to hear about your bouts of depression. Does it just come out of the blue or did something trigger it? You don't have to answer me, I know it's rather personal. Anyway, I do hope you have support and talking about it to someone (besides your blog) will help greatly.

Martha said...

mom2kiddos, i used to have long hair but cut shorter now. and the paintings do not look like me..:) imagination. This bouts come and go. I guess, triggered by tiredness and sleeplessness. thank goodness, no longer severe.
By the way, yes, that's the gypsy pants. your memory is fantastic. :) xoxo.

mumsgather said...

I like the first one but I think both are beautiful. How wonderful it is to have a gift to be able to express yourself so well in words and drawings.

Leena said...

My preference, 1st painting.. less the girls and you were holding the end of the colourful stripes... i'd vote for the 2nd! :)

martha said...

looking at it again, i think the first feels free..the second feels happy. :)

doggermama said...

I guess I think less of commenting on the actual work, and more of commenting on what a sweet release for you in the middle of the night, when the house needs to be quiet, and you need an expression of your feelings. I hope painting helped ease your feelings of hopelessness. Hugs...

Martha said...

@doggermama.. Yes! your comment is in. haha.. yes..that quietness by myself allowed me that release..allowed me time for contemplation..the feeling is still there...but easing.. I hope to wake to a beautiful morn tomorrow. it's night here now.. thanks my dear friend. ((hugs))

Mini Mocha said...

I like the first, it seems to have more flowing. Both beautiful. I understand and suffer what you talk of also. It is definitely mind calming to find an outlet that unleashes your creativity, stops ruminating over problems I believe. Thanks so much for having a bright outlook and sharing your inner feelings, I always have trouble writing those down.

Becky Jane said...

Such a lovely way to express yourself. I have very little artistic talent, so I admire that you can do this and do it so well!

Leena said...

...my Jazryn votes for the first version Martha; :) but as everyone else had said, you are talented in expressing your inner feelings so beautifully.. keep it up girl !

Divoo said...

what pretty pictures you paint! i love the ones of the turtles too. :) it's difficult to compare the two, but i feel that the second one looks happier! :)

martha said...

@Mocha :) I don't always write inner feelings down..but sometimes writing helps, so I try to.

@BEcky thanks :)
@Leena/Jazryn...wow, now Jazryn has voted. :) I find my mood affects how I view the pics each day :). By the way, my hubby and brother like the colourful version, and thegirls prefer the green version.
@Dvoo..you're a happy person, so you like 2. :)

Jessica said...

I'm sorry to hear you were feeling down. Your paintings are wonderful. I like both of the them but I think the second one is my favorite.

Kristen @ Motherese said...

I so admire your ability to express yourself through painting and am impressed by the way that your beautiful watercolors convey a feeling of release. When I'm feeling low I often turn to writing - and sometimes that turns into rumination rather than release.

Thanks again for your comment on my blog yesterday. I'm glad for the chance to find yours.

deeps said...

Just like poetry this is a wonderful platform to express ourselves and give vent to all our feelings that cant be expressed in any other way perhaps….

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...