25 Oct 2012

Best Friend Wanted

Do you remember the time, when you thought you'd finally found the truest ever, truest Best Friend? Then one day your new best friend's bff walks in.  Your new best friend then suddenly forgets you exist, leaving you  with an utter feeling of dejection. Remember what that felt like?

I've been having struggles with Jo for some time now, regarding the issue of best friend. We've told her that best friends will come and go,  best friends can hurt, and that it is best to just have one to two best friends who are true friends. The problem is, despite all the friends she has, she thinks that she hasn't found that special best friend yet. Very often, she comes to me, laments, cries and says "Nobody likes me. Everyone hates me." 

Jo tends to get along with boys, much older teens and adults. She's not easy to describe. She's usually a chirpy lil girl, highly inquisitive and full of crazy imagination. But she's also sometimes too frank with her words, and sometimes overly emotional. Sometimes reclusive, sometimes aloof. She's got friends, but problem is, her friends already have other best friends. And then when she starts acting aloof, naturally people stray away from her, seeking easier/calmer characters.

I used to feel for her regarding this issue. I used to seek playdates, in hope that she'll find that perfect best friend. Now I've given up, and just pray "God, bring that best friend to our doorstep." You know, like how a stork drops that newborn baby into the chimney.  :p

As for Nel, she doesn't bother with this issue, although I wonder if she thinks about it. Nel's not very good conversationally, especially with making new friends, just like me when I was her age. When I was Nel's age, my answers to people's questions always came out in one to 2 words, preferably in one syllable (yes/no) . When I see my own weakness in Nel, I get frustrated.
She too prefers older girls (early 20's) for a friend, or younger children. Which means, both she and Jo fight over older children, and that all play dates I arrange for Jo, end up being Nel' friend. See the dilemma, thus the increased intensity in prayer for a best friend. haha..... Anyway...I give up. I suppose, with time, this issue will settle itself....yes? 
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Anyway, yesterday Jo bugged me and bugged me about baking. Having a headache, I grumpily, reluctantly got her the ingredients, opened the recipe book (with a thump and bang!), took out the mixer grouchily and left her in the kitchen giving her strict orders not to ask me for help. After a while (feeling guilty), I went to check, and that lil fella was following instructions from the book pretty well. She needed a lil help with the mixer, and then she was on her own. So she pretty much did everything on her own, except for putting the tray and removing the tray from the oven. Proud of you Jo!

Jo's first ever muffins (butter cake), baked entirely by her.


They were really moist on the inside, simply delicious. Her grandma, cousins and I gave her full thumbs up.


Her future ambition for now, is owning a restaurant. This explains her craze for calculators. To date, she owns about 5 calculators and is begging for a real cash machine. I'll have to look out at second hand stores.

@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2012

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10 comments :

Spilled Milkshake Designs said...

Awesome on the muffins! Wouldn't it be neat if you could find her a real cash register from a second hand store?

My girl is just 12, but has always had the same problem. She's had lots of 'best' friends come and go. And it never ceases to amaze me how she is no longer even friends with girls who were completely "bffs" just months ago. I'm learning to just go with it.

Ahayes1225 said...

It is tough, I have a son who is a grad student, very quiet and a daughter 17. High School and Middle School are the worst. As they get older things do change... hopefully for the better. Yummy muffins. Thanks for your kind comments!

gail said...

I, too, had a rough time making friends. My personality was too strong and turned other children off.

So proud of Jo! Love her independent spirit.

Martha said...

hi Spilled Milkshake, Yes, it would be really neat if I could get her a real one. Have scoured around, but not found a reasonably priced one yet. As for bff's...i guess, with this age (and sometimes with adults), it can be a complicated subject. haha...

Martha said...

hi Ahayes, we're not near middle or high school yet...but fingers crossed, I'm praying for a smooth sail over those years. haha...

Martha said...

hey dear G, me too. I was too introverted, but I had one to 2 very close friends. Yup Jo did a good job, but I forgot to mention on this post...the mess after!! She did try her best to clean up...but then there was post clean up done by me too. haha.. Love ya.

marie said...

My kids just bought an old fashioned adding machine at a garage sale for $2, but then they had to go and buy rolls of receipt paper to fill it. They've had so much fun playing store with it.

When I was in 5th grade my best friend promptly dropped me one day at lunch when I went to take my usual seat next to her. She stated it was for Roseanne and I was crushed. That summer my family went to Idaho on vacation to visit my Grandma and I told my mom I didn't want to go home. She let me stay and start school there and live with my Grandma for the nest 4 months. When I came home at Christmas my mom signed me up at a different school (it was seriously so traumatic for me).

I didn't find another best friend until I was 27. Sure I had friends, and good friends, but that special elusive connection you can't force, I had to wait another 17 years. It was worth it.

Martha said...

Dear Marie, wow, an old machine for just $2?? What a fantastic deal!! I wish I could find such a deal here, but garage sales are rare. I agree that BFF issues can affect someone..yours sounded really traumatic. I'm glad you've found your best friend now. :) I've had such close friends before, the ones where words are spoken with just a look (no words needed), but those friends have moved on..many migrated. I suppose, my best buddy now will have to be my husband. haha..It's hard to foster such close ties nowadays in such a busy world that we live in.

cell said...

aww how lovely! isnt it great, the satisfaction one feels after completing a baking project and then having others enjoy the results? she must be so pleased. i too had these best friend issues when i was around 12, and gave up the whole idea of it by the time i was 14. i dont think i've ever had a best friend since then! [well, not unless you count hubby] the idea of Jesus as my best friend was very appealing at the time, so perhaps that's a good way to see it. of cousre it's not the same as having another girl giggle with on the phone or doing girly things together like experimenting with makeup or shopping for clothes, but i never did such things with girls anyway.

Martha said...

hey Cell...yes, Jo was very happy to share her cupcakes, she enjoys feeding people, and enjoys it when she gets positive reviews. :) Only thing is, she herself, doesn't really like butter cake. So she didn't eat it herself, but served her cousins and family. :) Thanks for sharing re Bff issue..perhaps this is the trait for many thinkers/artist kinda people? My kinda bestfriends changed from time to time. First they were mostly introverts like myself, then some "rebels"/misfits where we went shopping for hippy looking clothings and played tricks on people, then it was those who'd go long distance back packing with me to enjoy nature's beauty. Then came motherhood...and all bff's were left behind (or they migrated or had family of their own), leaving me and kiddos and of course hubby. :) I don't have a bff either, but a few good friends. and I'm thankful. Yup...hoping Jo will get over with this issue too.

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