5 Dec 2012

Jo's first written piece

Jo loves stories.  For a long time though, she was a reluctant reader, preferring to be read to (we read lots of Classics together).  The only books she would read on her own were short books about mermaids and mermaids. However, recently she decided to read some thicker books on her own. The very first non mermaid book which she read on her own was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl, and that's because she loves chocolate too much!

As for writing, Jo loves making cards and I receive many cards from her throughout the year. When inspired, she writes  picture stories . But apparently any other sort of writing that is longer is "tiring." :P   But today, after reading a beautifully written excerpt  by a young girl, Fara Ling, Jo was so inspired that she told me to sit at the computer. She said she had a story to tell, and I had to help her type it. So I did, and this is her very first attempt at writing a fiction. First draft below.
 By Jo, 7.

The morning sun rose from the depths of the earth.  A Nature Lady sat on her throne glaring at unsuspecting children. Her gleaming orange hair sailing in the wind, and her sunset coloured clothes shimmering with sparkles of gold.

An eagle sailed around her as she held up her fist. She cast a spell, raised her two hands and roared “Earth strike with Water,  COME!” 

And suddenly the children found themselves in the part of the sea near the mountains. There was a roaring storm with crashing waves that pounded on them. A whirling pool pulled the children inside. The children struggled to free themselves while the Nature Lady stood on her throne, her hands raised, cackling wickedly.
The Guardian of the Earth suddenly appeared in front of her. He said “Well done Nature Lady. You have completed your first task. Here is your golden medal.” Alas, this Guardian of the Earth was also a wicked guardian who's intention was to kill the children but not in a bloody way. He took her hand and they both went in behind the throne into a tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was a tree. On the tree, they placed her medal, and she earned her second power which was the ability to make sea volcanoes appear and sink.

In the meantime, the children struggled and managed to climb onto a rock. Suddenly a mermaid came to rescue  the children. The mermaid sprinkled scales on the ocean and said “Calm down.” The crashing and roaring waves calmed down immediately. The mermaid put the children into a deep sleep and placed them into a seashell boat and pushed them to shore.  Then the mermaid disappeared back underwater. 

 When the children woke up, there was something strange on their necks. There was a seashell necklace that was golden with sparkles. When they opened it, there was a picture of the mermaid who rescued them.

Jo's afterthought. 
Strangely the Mermaid looked like the Nature Lady. In fact, the Mermaid was actually the Nature Lady. She was good and didn't want to hurt the children, but she had to in order to earn her next power.

@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2012



gail said...

Bravo! Excellent work. I am impressed with some of the sentences starting with prepositional phrases.

marie said...

Wow, she definitely takes after you in the creative department, well done. She is a wonderful storyteller and I am sure has many more stories to tell.

Martha said...

Thank you very much. I hoped you liked it. From Jo.

Martha said...

Yes I do have many more stories to tell. Thank you for reading my story. From Jo.

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