Growing with Guidance

 Being with my children almost 24/7,  sometimes changes they're going through creep up on me without me noticing. Makes sense?

Talking bout child no. 2 here, and since they now read my blog, I won't go into specific details...

Anyways, ..one night, before bed, No.2 asked, "Mum, may I have a counselling session with you? Just 15 minutes. Private, ALONE, just you and me. I'll pay you whatever your therapy fees is...with chores or a few ringgit."

I'd never expected that...coz Nel now a teen, never asked for that, although we've had random heart to heart moments when a situation prompted one and provided an opening for such a conversation. But here, my second child was requesting for one.

I began thinking back and realize that little and major changes had been happening in her character. I won't go into details, but if you have a preteen/teen, you'd know about all the changes that happen emotionally, mentally and physically.

To ease her worries and assure her, so she'd be able to sleep soundly, I took out my calendar, penned down in red, "Appointment with Jo, 9pm, by library's quiet corner." She clapped her hands in excitement and went to bed with a smile on her face.

We met in our little space the next day as planned. I, a little worried, wondering what serious matter she was going to bring up. Turns up they weren't such serious matters, but a lot of questions  and reflection about self and others. She brought up issues about self expectations, her self image, her perception of how others viewed her and expected of her...demands of life, purpose of life...emotions...reactions etc etc etc. 15 minutes turned to an hour...with me discovering so much about my girl.

During the course of our conversation, I used a diagram my counselor used with me, when I went through a bout of anxiety disorder last year. Only I modified it to fit our conversation.

In a gist, the picture is of an iceberg. The top which is seen by others, is the image we choose to carry when we're with others. It's about our roles in various public settings, expectations of others, public image, how we're expected to act or react etc.

The bottom part of the iceberg is hidden by the ocean. That's where our real self lies. The unheard thoughts, buried emotions, desires, inner conflicts, etc etc etc.

I listened to how conflicts between her public self and what she defined as "real self" disturbed her sometimes. About her effort to be the ideal person...yet her disappointment when she fails. Her self expectation to be different personalities with different friends in order to fit in, to be liked. When friendships change.... etc etc.

We talked about emotions. is it ok to get angry and upset? Is it ok to feel negative emotions? When do we express them, when do we have to hold them in?  The meaning of true friends. Is it ok to express one's true self? Rejection of friends when she wasn't able to fit that expected mold. The purpose of education, the purpose of life.

@poundthegarlic.blogspot.com 2016