I sat alone and pondered
About how the day had gone.
So much accomplished,
that my heart is still palpitating from stress..
I feel quite burnt out, and so do my kids..
But yeah, I'm proud of all things achieved today...
Or so I think.. coz my heart feels differently.
Off the top of my head today
We got to ballet at 9am sharp,
Phew, we're getting better at getting up on time.
I managed to get my child to understand
what 15 out of 1,555 means in terms of percentage.
I got her to understand, the difference between
a clause and a phrase, the different types of adverbs.
I got the kids to unpack and repack their entire messy drawers.
We worked on geography and history
I got them to focus and insisted that no matter what
Today's work is today's, so no matter what,
It HAD to be done....Discipline.
I stood my ground and said,
"Work not finished, no going out."
So true to my word, at 6pm when all the kids were out
I made my kids sit down to continue with work
coz they daydreamed and played parts of the day.
Finally by nightfall, my kids finished it all,
I gave them a pat on the back and said "Well done!"
So much accomplised today, wonderful.
I gave myself a pat too.
I thought, surely, I know what's best for my kid
I'll push them in everything, coz they have potential!
A weak parent is a weak child!
Discipline is important. Never give in, push push PUSH!
One day they'll achieve great things because of me!
But again, my heart thought differently.
How had I managed to help them
achieve all these "great" things?
I used praise, bribes, rewards, stickers.
I used nagging, sometimes even shouting.
I prodded them out of daydreams,
Scolded them for slow work, pushed them because
I knew, If they could be pushed to excel
always academically, in arts and in sports;
They would surely conquer the world.
But again, my heart thought differently.
Why my heart? Why do you not agree with my thoughts?
To listen to my heart
I knew, I had to listen to my children.
So I asked them...
"What do you think will help you achieve great things?
What helps you feel like you can do anything you set your heart to?
And achieve and conquer it all?"
Their answers confirmed what I felt in my heart
and Not in my head.
My kids replied,
"I feel on top of the world, like I can achieve ALL things...
I have a mummy who loves me the way I am.
I have the greatest daddy in the world who tells me stories.
I feel loved because you cooked my favourite spaghetti, the best in the whole world!
You gave me a hug today.
I feel important when you take time to sit with me on a sofa, snuggled, reading a favourite book.
I love it, when we get to go out for walks and look at interesting plants and bugs.
I feel loved when you play pretend with me, pirates, mermaids and all the things we could be!
I feel important, because you're here for me.
I enjoy learning because you take time to explain things I just cannot understand
and you make it fun too.
I feel loved now because you stopped to ask me how I feel,
You understand my feelings more than anyone does.
And because of all this, I feel I am important,
I feel positively happy, on top of the world
and I know I can accomplish ALL things because of you Mum."
Tears welled up in my eyes..
Because of your honesty child,
Because of the way you overlook all my faults
and even the way I've been grumpy.
You forgive so easily.
Surely the way I've nagged and pushed have done little
to help you feel great. In fact, I think, often it's pulled you down.
I'm thankful that despite all my faults and failures
You still love me, and think I'm the best mum in the world.
Your graciousness and forgiveness inspires me
Inspires me to improve and to be a better person.
And now I know, that to help you face that wide world one day
is not by pushing you academically/in sports or arts at the expense of US...You and I,
But instead to spend time with you, child,
in quality time
in doing things together
in kind words
in kind deeds....
And all this will create a complete YOU
Who'll feel like you can achieve ALL things
and even the moon
because you feel Loved,
you feel Important.
A beautiful song: In my Daughter's Eyes.